How Religious Are You?

One Sunday morning, a mother went in to wake her son and tell him it was time to get  ready for church, to which he replied, "I’m not going."

"Why not?" she asked. 

I’ll give you two good reasons," he said.

"(1), they don’t > like me, and (2), I don’t like them."

His mother replied,
"I’ll give you two good reasons why you SHOULD go to church:

(1) You’re 59 years old, and (2) you’re the  pastor!"

The Picnic

A Jewish Rabbi and a Catholic Priest met at the town’s annual 4th of July  picnic.  Old friends, they began their usual banter.
"This baked ham is really delicious," the priest teased the rabbi. "You really ought to try it.

I know it’s against your religion, but I can’t understand why such a wonderful food should be forbidden!

You don’t know what you’re missing. You just haven’t lived until you’ve tried Mrs… Hall’s prized Virginia Baked Ham. Tell me, Rabbi, when are you going to break down and try it?"

The rabbi looked at the priest with a big grin, and said,

"At your wedding."

The Usher

An elderly woman walked into the local country church. The friendly usher greeted her at the door and helped her up the flight of steps. 

"Where would you like to sit?" he asked politely.

"The front row, please," she answered.

"You really don’t want to do that," the usher said. "The pastor is really boring."

"Do you happen to know who I am?" the woman inquired.

"No," he said.

"I’m the pastor’s mother," she replied indignantly.

"Do you know who I am?" he asked.

"No," she said.
"Good," he answered.

Show and Tell

A kindergarten teacher gave her class a "show and tell" assignment.  Each student was instructed to bring in an object that represented their religion to share with the class.

The first student got up in front of the class and said, "My name is Benjamin and I am Jewish and this is a Star of David."

The second student got up in front of the class and said, "My name is Mary. I’m a Catholic and this is a Rosary."

The third student got in up front of the class and said, "My name is Tommy. I am Lutheran, and this is a  casserole."

The Best Way To Pray

A priest, a minister and a guru sat discussing the best positions for prayer, while a telephone repairman worked nearby


"Kneeling is definitely the best way to pray," the priest said.

"No," said the minister. "I get the best results standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven."

"You’re both wrong," the guru said. "The most effective prayer position is lying down on the floor."

The repairman could contain himself no longer. "Hey, fellas," he interrupted. "The best prayin’ I ever did was when I was hangin’ upside down from a telephone pole."